Playing Hooky

What went through your mind as you listened to your teacher take toll on the first day of school? My first thought is a racing heart as I waited for the letter M to come along. Would she pronounce my name correctly? Would the other kids laugh? But when I heard the familiar name I threw my little hand straight up into the air to state I was there and proud of it. We love to hear our names, don’t we? We feel as if we belong.

However, when the third month of school rolled around I sat, with hands laid flat on my desk, and said in a tired tone, “present”. School was great, but every day? That was another story. When would summer ever appear on the calendar again? I would watch the big black and white clock barely tick off the minutes and say to myself, “I didn’t come here to work!”

I missed home and would often fake a cold so I could watch “I Love Lucy”, “Dick Van Dyke”, and “Andy of Mayberry” with my mother. I didn’t always want to be present…I preferred to be absent. I wasn’t one of those who had to have a certificate with 100% attendance. We’re like that, aren’t we? If it doesn’t feel good…we don’t want to do it anymore.

Thank goodness God is unlike us. We are made in His image…not the other way around. If He says He will do something…you better believe He will. Several times in His Word, He says, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.”

Leave means; to depart from. Forsake means; to abandon, to give up or renounce. The opposite would be—to stay, continue, defend, care, maintain, adopt, be loyal, support, keep and hold. That…is our God.

Psalm 46:1b says, “…God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

Do you ever stop to thank Him for being “ever-present” in your life? What a joy and privilege to know that He is with us at all times, even when we’re not that pleasant to be around.

I challenge you to pray this prayer, “Father, show me You are present in my life.”

One, Two, Three...Eyes On Me

“Wonnn, tuuu, threee,” I would say as the countdown began to gain the attention of my two small children. After a couple of “no’s” were ignored, they knew grace had run out.

Guess some methods never change as I listened to my daughter tell me about her day as a fifth grade teacher, “So, I went to the class next door and when I returned my students were running wild.” I asked how she regained control. “Well after extensive classroom management training I learned to keep the tone of my voice under control, grab the light switch, blink it three times and say, ‘One, two, three…eyes on me!’ The students knew I meant business because the next step was a pass to the principal’s office.

When you find yourself in the aftermath of great loss—literally drowning in a sea of grief—you would think the world would have sympathy as you adjust to your new normal, but it doesn’t. I asked God where He was when I was barely able to keep my head above water. It rained, it poured, and then it flooded. There were days I felt I had been swept up by a current I could no longer swim against.

Grief can become an out of control situation. You know it’s necessary to mourn yet if you allow yourself to follow the urges too deeply you will be sucked into a current of self-pity and despair. It was then I realized the enemy had no mercy for a grieving mother. A bully preys on the weak and unprotected.

Countdowns kept my children and Kellie’s students safe. Sometimes we don’t even realize how far we moved away from the truth until someone presents us with a wake-up call.

Hebrews 12:1-2a is a wake-up call to keep us from a life of despair. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus…”

What direction would you take if you’re eyes were fixed on Jesus’ eyes today?

The Unshakable Relationship

God is so good to give us friends. I would be lost without them. Some have been in my life for a season while others have adopted me as their sister. Let’s face it—women need women.

Three very important friendships in my life were my grandmother, my mother, and my daughter. All three are now in Heaven and because of their great love for Jesus I can safely say they are also my Sisters-in-Christ. Even though our next meeting may be different…we will see each other again and pick up where we left off.

Losing my grandmother in 1968 suddenly left this 13-year old very confused about how people can be alive one minute and gone the next. I asked God on many occasions why He decided to take such a fun-loving friend, like her, when I could have grown so much in wisdom had Granny remained in my earthly life as an adult.

In 2008 God chose to take my daughter home, then two and a half years later He took my mother too. Why would God decide it best to take such spiritual mentors from me? The question is almost enough grounds to never trust a relationship again. They were so much a part of me as a part of me died with each of them. But perhaps dying could become Heaven’s gain.

Death can lead to victory for I have learned God alone is all I need. All other relationships are just icing on the huge life cake. The Lord has been so faithful to be my painkiller when times of hurt and fear come. My desires have changed with the force of taking a good hard look at how I want to live the rest of my life. I want to tell others of His glorious love for those who mourn. He hurts when we do. Now…that’s a good friend.

 “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”  Psalm 62:5-6

What is your hurt today? Will you allow yourself to find love in God alone first, then love others in the same way He loves you?

The Unimaginable

No one should have to experience the loss of a child. The pain is equal to stopping the world from revolving—humanly impossible as heartbreak turns your world upside down and inside out. Ask any parent, of any aged child, and they will say two things, “This doesn’t make sense” and “I was supposed to go first”. It’s a very bitter unimaginable pill a parent must swallow.

However, on the other side of this devastation is another unimaginable…the great outpouring of love.

Months following the discovery of Kellie’s condition messages from a web site called Caring Bridge touched our hearts like nothing we had experienced before. Prayers, encouragement, jokes, and terms of endearment always seemed to come across the airwaves at just the right time. We never walked the journey alone.

And, this care did not stop at the edge of the bridge when the Lord came to get Kellie, it continued as their love carried us through the surreal time. When we moved in slow motion to make necessary arrangements—our friends stayed at the house like guardian angels. They worked hard to keep as much normalcy in our home as possible. Food arrived by many, flowers and plants began to fill our home, phone calls came in to encourage us, paper goods to handle out of town company was dropped off, and an endless supply of warm hugs, gentle smiles, and much, much more.

“Nothing in black, okay?” I said to a good friend who came to the house to help me pick out what clothes to wear. “I want something with color to represent how my butterfly is now a Bride of Christ. Help me enter the church as if I’m the proud Mother of the Bride. This is not to be a funeral…it’s a celebration!”

God provided love instead of despair. He gave us the gift of those who hugged us, cried with us, made us laugh and soon…unexplainable peace and joy filled our hearts once again.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15

“A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17a

Do you want to be that kind of family member or friend? I do…especially since I now know how good it feels to be loved. Decide to allow God to use you too.

Leaping Butterfly

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7

I looked forward to my daily afternoon journey to the gift shop for fresh popcorn made by the volunteers of St. Luke’s Hospital in Houston. It was such a welcomed time as I made my way downstairs for not only an emotional break but a breather from my daughter’s claustrophobic room.

With time to think I remembered it was Leap Year day. Can you imagine having a baby on this day? When do you celebrate? I wondered but soon blew off the notion and moved back into the moment.

Kellie, my 28 year old daughter, was not very happy with me or the doctors that day. A hint had been dropped the day before that she might get to go home today. She looked forward to her last trip in a wheelchair to the car after spending three different times on the tenth floor within three months. Open heart surgery for a mechanical valve replacement, two repairs to a dissected aorta, and the removal of an aneurysm made it a challenge for her to return for two additional surgeries due to a staph infection. She was more than ready to go home…and so was I.

“Hey, Kel, look what I got!” In one hand I held the warm popcorn and in the other a present from the gift shop. “What is it?” she asked. “Open it and you’ll see.” Her eyes sparkled as she pulled the tissue paper out of the box and exclaimed, “Oh, its beautiful!” Anything with butterflies thrilled Kellie. A teapot and cup to match brought a quick smile. I gave her a wink and said, “Couldn’t resist it. Thought you’d enjoy a ‘spot of tea’ while you recover at home.”

After her father arrived to spend the evening with her I gathered up some items so as to get a head start on the next day’s move. “I love you…I’ll see you tomorrow. Hang in there…one more night.” I said to encourage her as I bent over to drop a kiss goodbye on her forehead. She rolled her eyes and cracked a smile. With arms loaded I managed to give her a thumbs up before walking out the door.

I plopped down on the couch when I got home to watch a little TV and get a good night’s sleep for the long awaited day, March 1^st, to bring Kellie home. What I never expected was a phone call from her dad at 11:00pm announcing Kellie had gone into Code Blue from a pulmonary embolism. How could this be? I was with her all day and everything was fine. I was in shock.

When we arrived back at the hospital we realized the Lord called our little butterfly home on February 29, 2008. Kellie literally leaped into Heaven on Leap Year Day as it became her eternal birthday. My butterfly leaped into the arms of Jesus.

Think of a time you leaped into a transformation. Did it change your life forever?

To Bliss or Not to Bliss?

Turner Syndrome—named after Dr. Henry Turner, occurs in 1 out of 2,000 female births, linked to cause of 10% of miscarriages, genetic chromosomal condition, cause and prevention-unknown, short in stature, intelligent but struggle with math and science skills, low hairline, finger and toenails curve upwards, broad chest, swelling of hands/feet in infancy, webbed neck, ovarian failure, cardiac and kidney abnormalities, hypo-thyroid disorders, frequent ear infections, higher risk of celiac disease, vision impairment, and…well, that’s enough for now, don’t you think?

Hopeless…hardly. An inconvenience? At times. Fatal? Can be if you ignore it. A Curse? No, a disguised blessing. For you see…my sweet little real baby doll, Kellie, had Turner Syndrome.

She was so cute when she was a preschooler that one man in our church nicknamed her Cupie Doll because of her huge brown eyes and lack of hair. Another man named her Mug-Wamp, which had no meaning whatsoever other than he thought she was the cutest little Indian in the world…even though she was half Cuban. Kellie captivated everyone’s attention. Her stage was a shopping cart at Target as she entertained anyone that would watch her. Kellie was Shirley Temple all over again because of her ability to sing and dance before perfect strangers; completely uninhibited. Her style and giggle was contagious as I’d watch her force the biggest stone face to crack into a smile.

God allowed me the privilege to have someone like Kellie in my life. How did I get to be so blessed? For at times she taught me far more than I signed up for. Her diagnoses challenged me to learn about a syndrome I had never heard of. However, back in the mid-1980’s knowledge and support were not as accessible as it is today. We didn’t even know what an information highway was. So eventually my family decided to forget the hard facts. Ignorance seemed bliss. Acceptance was just too hard and complicated.  More next week…

Please take a moment to become familiar with the national society for Turner’s Syndrome through the web site below. Ignorance is not bliss. http://www.turnersyndrome.org/index.html

 “Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.” Proverbs 3:13-14

Life With Purpose

The bittersweet trip to our neighborhood elementary school came way too soon. What was once a private family nucleolus would now become collective as my tiny little girl entered the big doors of public school.  Gone would be the church preschool days of reminding my child, “Now, what would Jesus do?” Now I cried from the car window as I watched her little brown curls bounce with each step, “Mommy loves you and may the Lord be with you when I can’t be.”

Before this big day could occur we had to pass “our” first test…a Kindergarten well-child exam. I quickly made an appointment at Kelsey-Seybold Clinic. As the female doctor examined Kellie she nonchalantly asked, “Has Kellie ever had a chromosome test?” I shook my head no. She continued, “Well, it’s just a simple blood test.” Kellie’s dark brown eyes turned to me sharply to convey there was no way she would consent to this kind of test. I knew a simple trip to McDonalds on the way home would take care of her pain.

Within days I received a call that the doctor needed to talk to me. I arrived at her office and heard the diagnoses of something called Turner Syndrome. Only one word penetrated my ears; syndrome. I immediately zoned my thoughts towards other things as the doctor’s voice began to fade into nothingness. Devastated by the association of a syndrome with my perfectly healthy baby was more than I could handle by myself. I cried all the way home wondering what kind of future this would bring to my child. But, I knew whatever the future held…we would hold it together as we were held in His hands.

More about Turner next week…

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16

Praise God that He never makes a mistake. Everything created by Him is for Him. Every human has a great purpose. Thank Him for making you just the way He designed you to be.