One, Two, Three...Eyes On Me

“Wonnn, tuuu, threee,” I would say as the countdown began to gain the attention of my two small children. After a couple of “no’s” were ignored, they knew grace had run out.

Guess some methods never change as I listened to my daughter tell me about her day as a fifth grade teacher, “So, I went to the class next door and when I returned my students were running wild.” I asked how she regained control. “Well after extensive classroom management training I learned to keep the tone of my voice under control, grab the light switch, blink it three times and say, ‘One, two, three…eyes on me!’ The students knew I meant business because the next step was a pass to the principal’s office.

When you find yourself in the aftermath of great loss—literally drowning in a sea of grief—you would think the world would have sympathy as you adjust to your new normal, but it doesn’t. I asked God where He was when I was barely able to keep my head above water. It rained, it poured, and then it flooded. There were days I felt I had been swept up by a current I could no longer swim against.

Grief can become an out of control situation. You know it’s necessary to mourn yet if you allow yourself to follow the urges too deeply you will be sucked into a current of self-pity and despair. It was then I realized the enemy had no mercy for a grieving mother. A bully preys on the weak and unprotected.

Countdowns kept my children and Kellie’s students safe. Sometimes we don’t even realize how far we moved away from the truth until someone presents us with a wake-up call.

Hebrews 12:1-2a is a wake-up call to keep us from a life of despair. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus…”

What direction would you take if you’re eyes were fixed on Jesus’ eyes today?

The Unshakable Relationship

God is so good to give us friends. I would be lost without them. Some have been in my life for a season while others have adopted me as their sister. Let’s face it—women need women.

Three very important friendships in my life were my grandmother, my mother, and my daughter. All three are now in Heaven and because of their great love for Jesus I can safely say they are also my Sisters-in-Christ. Even though our next meeting may be different…we will see each other again and pick up where we left off.

Losing my grandmother in 1968 suddenly left this 13-year old very confused about how people can be alive one minute and gone the next. I asked God on many occasions why He decided to take such a fun-loving friend, like her, when I could have grown so much in wisdom had Granny remained in my earthly life as an adult.

In 2008 God chose to take my daughter home, then two and a half years later He took my mother too. Why would God decide it best to take such spiritual mentors from me? The question is almost enough grounds to never trust a relationship again. They were so much a part of me as a part of me died with each of them. But perhaps dying could become Heaven’s gain.

Death can lead to victory for I have learned God alone is all I need. All other relationships are just icing on the huge life cake. The Lord has been so faithful to be my painkiller when times of hurt and fear come. My desires have changed with the force of taking a good hard look at how I want to live the rest of my life. I want to tell others of His glorious love for those who mourn. He hurts when we do. Now…that’s a good friend.

 “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”  Psalm 62:5-6

What is your hurt today? Will you allow yourself to find love in God alone first, then love others in the same way He loves you?

The Unimaginable

No one should have to experience the loss of a child. The pain is equal to stopping the world from revolving—humanly impossible as heartbreak turns your world upside down and inside out. Ask any parent, of any aged child, and they will say two things, “This doesn’t make sense” and “I was supposed to go first”. It’s a very bitter unimaginable pill a parent must swallow.

However, on the other side of this devastation is another unimaginable…the great outpouring of love.

Months following the discovery of Kellie’s condition messages from a web site called Caring Bridge touched our hearts like nothing we had experienced before. Prayers, encouragement, jokes, and terms of endearment always seemed to come across the airwaves at just the right time. We never walked the journey alone.

And, this care did not stop at the edge of the bridge when the Lord came to get Kellie, it continued as their love carried us through the surreal time. When we moved in slow motion to make necessary arrangements—our friends stayed at the house like guardian angels. They worked hard to keep as much normalcy in our home as possible. Food arrived by many, flowers and plants began to fill our home, phone calls came in to encourage us, paper goods to handle out of town company was dropped off, and an endless supply of warm hugs, gentle smiles, and much, much more.

“Nothing in black, okay?” I said to a good friend who came to the house to help me pick out what clothes to wear. “I want something with color to represent how my butterfly is now a Bride of Christ. Help me enter the church as if I’m the proud Mother of the Bride. This is not to be a funeral…it’s a celebration!”

God provided love instead of despair. He gave us the gift of those who hugged us, cried with us, made us laugh and soon…unexplainable peace and joy filled our hearts once again.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15

“A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17a

Do you want to be that kind of family member or friend? I do…especially since I now know how good it feels to be loved. Decide to allow God to use you too.

Leaping Butterfly

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7

I looked forward to my daily afternoon journey to the gift shop for fresh popcorn made by the volunteers of St. Luke’s Hospital in Houston. It was such a welcomed time as I made my way downstairs for not only an emotional break but a breather from my daughter’s claustrophobic room.

With time to think I remembered it was Leap Year day. Can you imagine having a baby on this day? When do you celebrate? I wondered but soon blew off the notion and moved back into the moment.

Kellie, my 28 year old daughter, was not very happy with me or the doctors that day. A hint had been dropped the day before that she might get to go home today. She looked forward to her last trip in a wheelchair to the car after spending three different times on the tenth floor within three months. Open heart surgery for a mechanical valve replacement, two repairs to a dissected aorta, and the removal of an aneurysm made it a challenge for her to return for two additional surgeries due to a staph infection. She was more than ready to go home…and so was I.

“Hey, Kel, look what I got!” In one hand I held the warm popcorn and in the other a present from the gift shop. “What is it?” she asked. “Open it and you’ll see.” Her eyes sparkled as she pulled the tissue paper out of the box and exclaimed, “Oh, its beautiful!” Anything with butterflies thrilled Kellie. A teapot and cup to match brought a quick smile. I gave her a wink and said, “Couldn’t resist it. Thought you’d enjoy a ‘spot of tea’ while you recover at home.”

After her father arrived to spend the evening with her I gathered up some items so as to get a head start on the next day’s move. “I love you…I’ll see you tomorrow. Hang in there…one more night.” I said to encourage her as I bent over to drop a kiss goodbye on her forehead. She rolled her eyes and cracked a smile. With arms loaded I managed to give her a thumbs up before walking out the door.

I plopped down on the couch when I got home to watch a little TV and get a good night’s sleep for the long awaited day, March 1^st, to bring Kellie home. What I never expected was a phone call from her dad at 11:00pm announcing Kellie had gone into Code Blue from a pulmonary embolism. How could this be? I was with her all day and everything was fine. I was in shock.

When we arrived back at the hospital we realized the Lord called our little butterfly home on February 29, 2008. Kellie literally leaped into Heaven on Leap Year Day as it became her eternal birthday. My butterfly leaped into the arms of Jesus.

Think of a time you leaped into a transformation. Did it change your life forever?